2016

Hey Buddy, it has been almost 3 years since I wrote you a letter on this blog. Last night I went back through and read all of the posts I had written to you from 2011 to 2013 and I sat there wishing I would have documented more of your life, our life, I wished that I hadn't stopped writing you, but things got busy and all of a sudden writing you letters and posting on my other blogs was no longer my biggest concern and I hate that. I hate that I took such a long break from writing to you. Because by doing that there are some things that will forever only be distant memories. Memories I will always remember but wont remember completely in full. And therefore wont be able to fully explain to you how things were.
I have started to realize that back then I wasn't really writing you in every post. A lot of my posts were for others to read and not for you to read when you are grown up. Why I did that I'm not sure. Maybe O thought people wouldn't read my posts if all of my letters/posts were like this one, and that was a big deal for me at ages 13-15. I wanted people to follow my blog and read and see how cute you are how much I love you. But I have begun to realize that doesn't matter. I need to write to you and not to others. This blog is and always has been dedicated to you and our life together as brother and sister.
Vahnya bubby I love you more than I could ever put into words, I'm not sure I will ever be able to love someone else as much as I love you. You are my entire world, and have been for almost six whole years. This March it will be SIX years since we started your adoption six years since I saw your sweet face for the first time six years since I found out you are able to love and deeply miss someone you have never met. And it will be five years since I held your tiny little body in my arms for the first time. Five whole years bubby. FIVE. Those five years have been the best and most rewarding five years of my entire life.
I watched you grow up from a little three year old who just learned how to walk to a big eight year old boy who runs, jumps, plays, dances, sings and so much more. Boy do you love to dance and perform. I really cannot fathom the fact that you are eight years old. You have now been home for longer than you were in an orphanage and that is so amazing. Never in my wildest dreams did I believe I would have the chance to be the big sister to the best and sweetest little noy to ever grace this earth. I thank Jesus everyday for letting me live this life.
Being away from you while I'm at school here in Phoenix is so difficult I look at pictures of you and watch videos form when you were itty bitty and it makes me miss you so much. I didn't realize it would be this hard to be away from you. I was with you everyday for over four years and now all of a sudden I'm not. And its hard, really hard.
Mommy recent;y told me that when Manda came back for the day you grabbed her face and said "I miss Mas-son" bubba this made me tear up. Mommy said you and Mae mae have been saying you miss me alot out of the bliue at random times. I will admit it does make me feel good to know you do miss me because it means you realize I'm gone. You never did this with Manda or Josh, of course when we would ask you if you missed either of them you would say yes but you would never say it out of the blue on your own. It makes me feel special but it also make same feel sad that you have to experience missing me. Even though I would like to be with you everyday I know that being here is where I need to be. But that doesnt make me love or miss you any less.
Youi are in first grade now and you are such a big boy. You have friends that love you. You eat school lunch with the other kids, you participate in what everyone else is doing like PE and recess and other class activities, you do have certain things you have to do yo learn at your pace but that's okay. It doesn't make you any less special or normal.
You mean so much to me. SO much. And I want you to always know that. I don't want you to ever think less of yourself because you have a different number of chromosomes then some other people do. You are perfect, wonderful and so very smart. You smile and giggle are so contagious. The way you love others is inspiring. No matter what I do if I get upset with you or if I'm angry you love me no matter what. You smile laugh and give me a hug and a kiss and all of a sudden I realize how silly it is for me to be upset with you. I realize that I am not perfect and you don't care, you will love me anyways no matter what. It has been such an adventure to love you and be loved by you.
It has been 20 days since I saw you last which was Christmas break and I more than likely wont see you for another 92 days. I cannot wait to hold you again and hear you say my name. I can't wait to kiss your soft little chubby cheeks. I can't wait until I can see you be totally transfixed by a movie, bubby you love movies so much and would watch them all day if you could. I can't wait to just snuggle on the couch or on my bed as you play with your frog and I just watch you and realize how blessed I am to have you in my life, as my brother. I love you more than anything bubba.
Forever and Always
Love sissy Mas-son